By: Breanna Robinson
The new year generally signals a sense of renewal, a burst of motivation and optimism that serves as a blueprint for better habits, change, and self-growth. But when February and March settle in, many people find themselves disheartened by the gap between their desired goals and the actual progress they are making to achieve those dreams.
If you feel frustrated and disappointed that you haven’t been living up to the resolutions you set for yourself at the start of the new year, you’re not alone. According to Drive Research, 23 percent of adults quit pursuing their resolutions by the second week of January. By the end of January, that percentage nearly doubles to roughly 43 percent of adults quitting.
However, there is still a silver lining. The New York Association of Black Journalists had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Jameca Woody Cooper, a board-certified counseling psychologist, Fulbright Scholar, and TEDx speaker, about how you can bounce back and reset your goals.
Understanding goals placed on us externally by other people and goals we inherently want for ourselves
Understanding the goals imposed on us by others versus the goals we inherently want for ourselves is crucial. Dr. Woody Cooper notes that many factors can hinder our progress, including anxiety, unresolved grief, trauma, energy levels, and more. “ When our goals are externally driven—such as societal pressure and parental expectations—rather than intrinsically motivated—like personal growth and passion—we are more likely to experience burnout and lose motivation,” she says. “Negative thought patterns, such as all-or-nothing thinking (‘I’m either a success or a failure’), catastrophizing (‘If I fail, it’s a disaster’), and personalization (‘My failures are a reflection of my worth’), can significantly hinder goal achievement. Low self-efficacy pertains to our belief in our capacity to succeed. When we doubt our abilities, we are less likely to pursue challenging goals, resulting in a cycle of self-sabotage.”
Recognizing When to Let Go
If you find yourself going through the motions of achieving goals without feeling excited or eager, you're doing yourself a disservice. “Holding onto goals that no longer serve us can be detrimental to our mental and emotional well-being,” Dr. Woody Cooper says. “If the initial excitement and passion for a goal have waned significantly and you consistently dread the effort required, it may be time to reassess its importance." The St. Louis-based psychologist further notes that our goals can change due to life circumstances, such as personal priorities and career shifts.“If the pursuit of a specific goal is leading to considerable stress, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy, prioritizing your mental health is essential, and it may be worth considering letting go. Remember, releasing a goal does not signify failure; rather, it can be an act of self-compassion and a way to redirect your energy toward more fulfilling endeavors,” Dr. Woody Cooper adds.
Breaking Down Goals:
It’s easy to feel that you have to accomplish everything in one sitting, but you don’t have to. Break your goals into small, realistic, and attainable parts.“Begin with small, achievable goals that build momentum and confidence. This will help you develop a sense of accomplishment and motivate you to continue striving toward your larger aspirations. This approach makes the journey seem less daunting and allows you to celebrate each small victory along the way,” she says.The main objective is not to give up when the going gets rough. Celebrating small wins, staying the course, and adopting a growth mindset can help you overcome feelings of not accomplishing your resolutions and continue working toward your aspirations.
Progress, not perfection, is key!